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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
- George Carlin
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
- Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
- George Carlin
Personal Accomplishments: getting back together with my boyfriend upon his release from prison.
- item on actual resume
